Shoutout to Tartuffe who, unfortunatly, has one of the dorkiest haircuts ever (
Buzzcut accompanied with thick glasses)
I support casinos in Indiana. I think we should develop one of Southern Indiana's dreary backwater burgs into a glittering playground for adults. It is less then a year before I can drive and less than seven before I can gamble. I think that instead of going to Las Vegas or Atlantic City, (*shudder*) I should be able to drive down 135 towards Nashville, where I could sleep in a
pyramid or a
castle! Or maybe the
Seagram Building. Or maybe
in one of those other three sided towers that are so coommon in Las Vegas. And Nashville? Couldn't get much worse. I mean forget staying in a tiny inn with uncomfortable beds and eating apple butter & biscuits. Indiana doesn't need apple butter & biscuits. We need 99 cent shrimp cocktails. On that note I present to you The Christie Plan for Southern Indiana
1.) Move the Hillbillies
Yeah, you heard me. I mean we have some big bucolic land up in Northern Indiana, let's just fence it in. We've got ourselves a Hillbilly Reserve. Yeah! Plunk down a pickup truck, maybe a tractor, some tiny houses, a few chickens, and one of "them thur big-ass Walmarts" and we can have a gambling vacation free of Hicks and Hillbillies.
2.) It will Boost the Economy
The amount of people who can be employed by casinos is exponential! Building ten or fifteen casinos would create hundreds if not thousands of jobs. IU students could moonlight as Showgirls and Cocktail Waitresses! Cashiers!
Valets!
Pit Bosses!
Casino Hosts! And they'll all be spunky and clever like on
NBC
I think this is a good plan. Do You? Send Me Mail! Reader Mail! I want some Mail! Next Week (or rather tomorrow) Will Any of you send me mail? Will I find anything good about fall? Will Tartuffe's hair grow back over the weekend thus obscuring his giant fuzzy misshapen head? Find Out! Next Week! Same Blog Time, Same Blog Place!
In his first news conference after being elected Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger promised to "clean house in Sacramento." He also threatened to "molest the energy crisis" and to "date rape the deficit."
-Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live 10/11 - Weekend Update
