Casey: Jeremy, November 23rd. Does that date ring a bell ? And don't go to the computer.
Jeremy: Don't have to.
Casey: What is it?
Jeremy: It was in this day, in 534 BC, that Thespis stepped out onto the stage of the Theatre Dionysos during a choral song and dance and became the first man to speak words as an actor.
Casey: Tell me I was supposed to know that.
-Sports Night 1.08 “Thespis”
My parents are convinced that I should try out for the play next year. Like Hell I’m trying out for the school play. Unless it is a high-school adaptation of Two Cathedrals, It ain’t happening. Also I have another reason
I can’t act. I couldn’t act for my life. I can’t act my way out of a paper bag.
If I was in the play, I would suck major rocks. Seriously. I would come in from the wrong side or flub a line or miss my cues. I would be Keanu Reeves in The Matrix Revolutions. Billy Zane in Titanic. I would be Justin Guarini in that American Idol movie, but without they afro thing.
(This has been edited since I wrote it. I have put new stuff in parentheses)
I enjoy(ed) Drama class. I enjoy Drama Students. Many of my friends are drama students. But I loathe going on stage. I loathe the plays we read. The plays we have read?
THE TOP TEN WORST PLAYS WE HAVE READ (OR SEEN) IN MRS. HORRIGAN’S CLASS
10. The Two Princesses
9. Don’t Drink the Water
8. Once In A Lifetime
7. Dracula
6. Up the Down Staircase
5. Sorry, Wrong Number
4. How to Eat Like A Child
3. Oliver Twist
2. A Raisin in the Sun
1. The Cinderella Equilibrium. Or whatever that was called.
The kids in Drama are nice but are simultaneously annoyed at me for talking and talking to their neighbor. I sit in the back corner of the room. But Just Recently I’ve been bored out of my mind in Drama. Read Monologues…ZZZZZZ. Tests over Once in a Lifetime…ZZZZZ *snerk* I’m sorry, did I fall asleep? What are we doing now? Unfunny Improv. Huh. Night-Night… I suck at improv by the way, because I didn’t say much, so when I do it for a grade I’m going to snark on everything my partner says. Yeah I am
AND NOW FROM THE HOME OFFICE IN PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA TONIGHTS TOP TEN LIST! YEAH TOP TEN LIST!
Top Ten Things I learned in Drama Class
10 – Drama I students doing Improv is never as funny as it should be
9 – Pantomime Sucks
8 – Mrs. Horrigan has become incapable of picking out a good play recently
7 – Mime Sucks
6 – Two out of Five plays we read are annoying and suck ass
5 – Stage Left is actually on the right side for the audience
4 – Musicals should be sung and not read
3 – I am a child prodigy. In Charades. Yeah, You heard me, Charades!
2 – You can’t do anything fun on stage
1 – Creepy Lesbian Cinderella Plays should not be read aloud.
NEXT WEEK! Gratias, Tibi Ago Domine – The Clores come over. Hilarity is bound to follow!
