Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Christmas Eve. There’s a good cast of characters here. Aunts, Uncles. Cousins and a Boyfriend. No it’s not Thomas. Here’s their pseudonyms Aunts Chaka, Aretha, and Whitney, with Uncles Clay, Reuben, and Justin. Cousins Eowyn and Eomer and boyfriend Toby and Dog Jed
Here’s the Arrangement
Chaka – Clay – Eowyn
Aretha – Reuben – Jed
Whitney – Justin – Eomer
Well here’s the basic rundown. Family arrives. Family eats. Family watches worst Christmas movie ever. Family eats dinner. Old Friend of Justin hits on my mom. I Kid! We get to presents which, are mediocre to say the least.
Aunt Whitney got me a sweatshirt, which brings the total of sweatshirts to somewhere near four-thousand. I got a nice pen from Grandma, A RC that would probably break if a business card fell on it, A Thomas Guide which is somewhat pointless, a road atlas that I already have, a sweatshirt that is like a dress on me, along with two books that I will probably never read. I mean seriously, when Mom said “If there’s anything you want at Disneyland, tell Aunt Aretha and she’ll get it for Christmas. I asked for a great big plush Nemo or if she wanted to get me books Kushner’s Angels in America: Millennium Approaches and/or Angels in America: Perestroika. Needless to say I was disappointed. I sat down to write this entry and was distracted by Aunt Chaka who had never seen a laptop before and was shocked and amazed at this new technology, which is going on fifteen years. Seriously. I ended up Googling the family (that came out wrong) and got distracted. Eventually the family left and I finally sat down to blog, when Dad and Mom and Aunt Aretha yelled at me to clean up. Needless to say this didn’t get written when it was supposed to. So now I realize that I kind of loathe Aretha. And I also despise Jed with every fiber of my being. He’s stupid, flatuant, omnipresent, and stands right next to you while you’re eating and yet Aretha and Reuben simply can’t get it that no one but them likes the frikkin’ dog. I just want to smack them with a roll of 50 cent Ikea Wrapping Paper! Wait, that comes later. A lot later.
Toodles for Now!
Convorsation
Open right after Michael got fired by Marten who has left. The rest of us are still here
Including the corpses of Erin and Shaniqua
Michael: So…
Erin: Yeah…
Jonah: Yep…
Nathan: Uh-huh
Thomas (still naked): mmm-hmm…
Sophia: Affirmative…
Michael: So here we are. Just sitting in chairs.
Sophia: Yep. Cause we can’t do anything dirty.
Erin: Or Remotely funny.
Jonah: It’s supposed to be ironic because Michael is afraid of commitment and straight.
Thomas (still naked): It’s kind of—
Nathan: PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!
(Beat)
Thomas: Sorry.
Jonah: I hate to be the first one, but I have to ask. Is Michael going to keep doing conversations?
Michael: You think you’re the first? At minimum you’re the—yeah you’re the first.
Jonah: Well?
(Michael sticks his hands in his pockets looks slightly to the left and just as he starts to smile, we fade to black)
Tomorrow: “Holy Night” How the Grinch and his wife stole Christmas and the plans and hopes of a child. But I got Tubey stuff, a watch, some books and an iPod, so karmic balance is restored to the universe.
