What Kind of Life Has It Been

First off, I want to apologize for my long absense. I have no excuse, except that I have been spending a lot of my time with, on the phone with, or wishing I was with my girlfriend Saralyn who is amazing and beautiful but this site is not the place to gush. Anyway, most of my deep thoughts end up being conversed with her or end up in my newspaper column, so there is nothing left for the web. However, I'm going to try to get back to this thing, and perhaps throw some things from those other places on here for the internet to stew over. So, onto Pacifism vs. Cowardice.

I am both a Pacifist and weak. It occured to me that these two facts could be explained in three ways, causality-wise and I thought it was interesting to explore the cause and effect of each possibility.

If I am a Pacifist because I'm weak

I'm not an athleticaly fit person. I do not have very big muscles, and shopuld I end up in a fight I would almost certianly lose. My options seem to be get beat up or run away, which either make me look pathetic or make me look cowardly. However, if I'm a pacifist the result of action 1 changes. If I get beat up and never raise a hand to fight back, all the while preaching my pacifism and deploring violence, I can claim a moral victory. Instead of looking weak or scared, I look strong - strong in my convictions, and strong enough to take a beating for my principles. Pacifism transforms losing into winning.

If I am weak because I'm a Pacifist

I believe violence is wrong. I think the world would be a better place if no one hurt anyone, and the world begans with me. As a result, I refuse to fight anyone, even if they attack me. If I had muscle and could win a fight, I would be tempted to fight back. I might, weaker in flesh than in spirit, fight back when attacked by a weaker opponent. Therefore, to ensure the strength of my will, I have intentionally avoided working out. By remaining physically weak, I have ensured my moral strength remains intact.

If my weakness and Pacifism are unrelated

I believe violence is wrong. I'm also largely incapable of it. Works out well, doesn't it?

Assessing them together, option 1 seems weaselly, option 2 seems virtuous, and option 3 seems suspicious. As a result, I think I'll make option 2 my cover story.